Don't Drink or Drive

Abstinence-only sex-ed getting you down? Feeling awkward, insecure, and unsure of your burgeoning sexuality? That's all well and good, just don't try to take a joyride to calm your nerves.
This great parody of abs-only curriculums takes the bizarre conservative thought process one step further, applying it to cars ( Remember this handy little slogan: "No ring on your finger, no hand on the shifter."). (Props where props are due, I found this via Feministing.)